


Corporal Nobby’s Marvellous Collection of Genders

by braigwen_s



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Gen, Genderqueer Character, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braigwen_s/pseuds/braigwen_s
Summary: “Say, rat,” said Nobby, to the oily-furred brown rat, “what’s your gender?”The rat chittered.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	Corporal Nobby’s Marvellous Collection of Genders

One of Nobby’s fingers was twisted in one of Nobby’s ears, while another one was reading a sentence laboriously. “Fred?” asked Nobby, after a few minutes.

“What is it, Nobby?” asked Fred.

“What’s a gender?”

Fred thought about it for a minute. “It’s a type of thing a person is, Nobby. Like a man or a woman.”

“Huh, okay,” said Nobby, rereading the paper again. “Thanks, Fred.”

“No problem, Nobby,” said Fred, walking away. Then, he turned around. “Why did you want to know, Nobby?”

Nobby shrugged. “No reason, Fred,” Nobby said, “jus’ wonderin’.”

“Men,” scoffed Nobby, watching three idiots walk away.

Angua gave him a funny look. “Nobby,” she said, “you are a man.”

Nobby’s mouth opened and shut. “I’m a man?” Nobby repeated.

“I’m pretty sure,” said Angua.

Intresting.

“Angua says that I’m a man,” said Nobby to Cheery, ducking out of the way of a little test tube explosion.

Cheery hurriedly extinguished the fire. Then she looked at Nobby from over her really quite pretty beard, her head tilting. “Do you feel comfortable with that?” she asked.

Nobby’s legs swung from where they were dangling over the edge of Cheery’s desk. “Sure,” said Nobby, “I guess so. Is she right? I mean, am I a man?"

“You know that better than me,” said Cheery. “If it feels right, like who are you deep down inside, that’s your gender.”

“If it feels right… it’s my gender?” Nobby wanted to get this right.

“I’m pretty sure,” said Cheery, biting her lip briefly. She was wearing bright red lipstick. Nobby liked the look of it, but not like … like, to ogle, like. More like… to wear it, like. “Look,” said Cheery, “there are some other people in the city – some other dwarfs – you can speak to. If you would like.”

“I’d like that,” said Nobby. “Thanks, Cheery.”

Cheery smiled.

“You were right, Angua, I am a man!” announced Nobby.

Angua gave Nobby a small, bemused smile.

“I’m also a woman,” Nobby continued. “I gots myself two whole genders!”

“I’m not quite sure that’s how it works,” said Angua.

Nobby shrugged. “It is for me.”

Angua looked at Nobby for a long time. Then she shrugged, too. “Alright,” she said, and their patrol continued.

The huge, patchwork golem was good-naturedly taking in Nobby’s ramble, but one of the key parts had been confusing him. “What Is A Gender?” Dorfl asked.

Nobby, who was wearing a pink frilly skirt, shrugged happily. “I dunno,” Nobby said, “but I like ‘em. I want some more.”

“How Do You Acquire Them?”

“I find out what they is called, I guess.”

Dorfl considered this, his heart shining. “I Do Not Think That I Want One.”

Nobby grinned, and did a little twirl, the skirt swirling. “More for me, then!"

“Say, rat,” said Nobby, to the oily-furred brown rat, “what’s your gender?”

The rat chittered.

“Ooh,” said Nobby, “that’s a real nice one. Thanks!”

“So is ‘Bugrit’ a gender, like, or..?”

“Bugrit! Millennium hand and shrimp!”

“Okay!” Nobby, remembering manners, added “thank you, Mr Ron!” before running.

“How d’you tell what gender somebody's got, Reg?”

Reg Shoe was stitching his arm back on, and Nobby was helping him hold the thread in place. “You can’t do that, always, necessarily,” he said. “But sometimes people have signifies – that is, the way they present themselves, their appearance lets people know.”

“Like how a lot of women have –”

“Have long hair, yes,” said Reg quickly, looping a knot back through a stitch for a more secure hold.

“But, Reg, you have long hair.”

Reg pushed the curly brown mass, shampooed and shining, back down his, well, his back. “I do,” he said. “I am gender non-conforming – that is, I choose not to display my gender with my appearance.”  
“So what are you?” asked Nobby.

“I am male,” said Reg Shoe, and finished sewing his arm back on.

“You love other men, though, right?” said Nobby.

Reg took the thread back from Nobby, to Nobby’s disappointment. “Yes,” he said, “I do.”

Nobby hummed, and skittered off when Reg shooed him away. Hopefully, Reg wouldn’t notice ‘male (and who loves other men)’ had been added to Nobby’s growing hoard.

“Oook.”

“Come on, please?”

“Ook.”

“You don’t need it! You’re an ape!”

“Ooook?”

“I am too!”

“Oook!”

“Alright, alright! Was just askin’!”

Nobby accosted three of the city’s Guild leaders outside the Palace gates, and asked them what their genders were.

Queen Molly gave Nobby a friendly scowl that wasn’t at all angry. “I am a lady, Nobby Nobbs,” she said.

Mr Boggis thought for a minute. “Stealing,” he said. Nobby’s face lit up.

“And Mr Lord Downey, sir?” asked Nobby. “What’s yours?”

Mr Lord Downey looked down at the little … human? and spent a few seconds reflecting. “Male,” he said, but then, in a fatherly, conspiratorial, sort of tone, “but at least when I was a lad, the Patrician...”

The Patrician was talking to Commander Vimes. His black hair was plaited over one shoulder, and the nails of his long hands were painted black. “Why, yes,” he was saying, “I believe I do have a gender, somewhere, although I am not quite sure what it is.”

Nobby’s hands stuck themselves into pockets and Nobby strolled away, whistling shrilly.

Commander Vimes looked at the Patrician, frowned, and then whirled around all a sudden. “Nobby!” he bellowed. “Give the Patrician back his gender!”

**Author's Note:**

> My Discord status is currently "Nobby, give the Patrician back his gender!," so.


End file.
